What do they do before a rice pudding race? SAGO!

What do fish smoke to get high? Sea weed.

What weighs more, a gallon of water, or a gallon of butane? A gallon of water. Butane is a lighter fluid.

A man complains to his mate that he has problems growing roses....his mate says there is a secret...go to the pet shop...they'll have frozen mice or rats they sell as food for snakes...get a big bag....boil them hard for a few hours in water...with lots of sugar until it all breaks down into a syrup....then spread it all over your garden...well he does just that...and a few weeks later his garden is a mass of colour....he meets his mate who asks him how it went....he said well I planted roses...but what grew there were TULIPS!...it is weird.....his mate says did you do what I told you?...and he says yes...but they ran out of rats and gave hamsters instead.....AHHH...said his mate....You always get...Tulips from Hamster Jam....... Edited 13-Jul-24 22:04pm

This Norwegian guy pays a builder to build him a house miles from anywhere...well the builder gets everything delivered on site and construction begins....right near the end...in the laundry...he realises that he hasn't got the sink...but he has got a shiny new brick hod....so he takes off the handle...welds some sides on and plumbs it in...looks alright!....well the Norwegian man moves in and is very happy with his house and never ever notices......which goes to show THAT....a hods as good as a sink to a blind Norse...... Edited 13-Jul-24 22:05pm

An electrician comes home late. WIFE: “Wire you insulate?” ELECTRICIAN: “Watts it to you? I’m ohm, aren’t I?”

Joe, Steve, and Repeat are in a boat and Joe and Steve fell out. Who is left? Repeat. Joe, Steve and Repeat are in a boat and Joe and Steve fell out, who is left? Repeat.

did you know the inventor of the knock-knock joke recently won the NO BELL prize apologies for that oneEdited 12-Jul-24 11:16am

I was in a book store and I found this book ...How to Fix 50 % of Your Problems...so I bought 2

So blessed if you still have parents. Good and bad jokes, I'd take them all day long....ring your mother!

When is a Dad, not a Dad? Answer when he is a Sugar Daddy. 🙂

A silly one....what is a fake noodle called? Impasta.

What's the difference between a buffalo and a bison?...you can't wash your hands in a buffalo....

Not a role model dad joke. When I was little, innocent, and young - eons ago - I used to 'pray' for a bicycle. I grew cynical - because no bicycle appeared, I learned from people who went to Sunday School that's not exactly how praying works. So, I stole a bicycle, and prayed for forgiveness - which explains WHY I never became a DAD! Edited 13-Jul-24 12:12pm

the best payout I have heard is...when 2 people have sex it's called a twosome when 3 its a threesome,, now I know why they call you handsome Edited 11-Jul-24 17:46pm

one of my favs is gonorhea would have been a great name for Diaareha medicine

The best dad joke I have ever heard is - 'As I got older, I remember all the people I 'lost' contact with along the way in life. Maybe a career as a tour guide wasn't the right choice! Edited 16-Jul-24 00:43am