No narcissism is not a choice. firstly it is a personality disorder not a mental health issue. Next it is caused by either neglect or constant unmerited priase used by a parent or teacher to validate themselves by making out their child or pupil can do no wrong and is not responsible for any of their actions asthough it is some sort of misbegotten reflection of the parents wonderfulness so ergo the child must be also perfect like. It is an unbringing with either ignoring the child or agrandising the child constantly when it is unmerited. There are never consequences that match their selfish, abusive or self-centred behaviour after age 5. These are either overindulged kids who have been given distorted sense of their own importance and/or capabilities. Or kids who have been completely emotionally neglected by no or deeply inaccurate mirroring of their feelings.They may have also been physically and emotionally neglected. Or physically, emotionally and sexually abused and that leads to a distorted sense of an entitled self. Either way it is emotional abuse and very distructive to a child's development. These people are horribly emotionally stunted and have severe developmental wounds secondary to trauma that leave stuck at a very young age essentially a 3-8 year old frozen in time due to grief loss and profound unmet needs. They have been or have learnt what to say to survive in an abusive household with sociopathic or, narcisstic socially immature or incapacitated parents who may also be survivors of childhood traumas from which they never grew up, from which they never matured, along with their deepseated inadequacies and deep seated rage for the cruel injustices that they survived as children. These people are very immature, petulant, entitled and lack empathy and extremely heartless, selfish and very difficult to live with or related to. They see other people as things there to meet their deep pit of endless needs which is appropriate in a small child but as they never grow up and become so demanding they make it impossible as a so called adult to deal with. Unfortunately it is not a choice and they often lack insight. I would test their ability for real empathy and kindness not flattery or saying what you want to hear and if they cannot truly reciprocate like an adult or be responsible for the negative consequences of their behaviour, then I would not have anything further to do with them. Your love, patience, kindness, empathy time and money are all wasted on them. They love a captive audience, someone who does not confront them nor disagree with them. I'm sorry but it is not a choice it is a damaged personality due to a damaged upbringing or lack there of.

Disorder

The thing I find fascinating about narcissistics is that they have no clue about their condition. And the mere mention of it make them fly into a rage.

Farewell that's not nice

Yes sounds just like Donald Trump!

Yes. Even though it is possible that it is tied in with mental illness; not only is there people out here to receive help, but despite how people grew up and use that as an excuse for their behavior there are some that chooses to be better than that and become good people.

Yes it is. Although I've never heard that it's a disease or disorder

ask harry he will know bryan

Yes it is.An obession. Had a family member who wanted control over everyone's life. They said if I m not happy you won't be either.

Yes and it’s reached epidemic proportions

It's a choice everyone can make, occasionally, but those who are completely narcissistic have a problem with their brain. The amygdala doesn't work properly and they simply don't have the capacity to care about others. Its such a shame for them, and I pity those who suffer from it. While most are born that way, some can develop it. My ex became completely narcissistic (and other dangerous behavioural issues) after having major surgery and my mother was a psychopath.

I would have said a choice

I would say it's more a disorder than a choice. Narcissistic people often lack empathy for others and usually needs narcissistic supply from their target or targets

I think it can be both. Some may be born with the disorder and some choose to follow that way of life without having the disorder.

There are infact 4 , possibly. 6 types of narcissism

It may not be a choice but it is a trait we can choose not to follow.

My ex got off on being my BOSS I wasn't allowed to make my own choices HE apparently knew what was best for me IT WAS BOTH FOR HIM AND EVERY OTHER NARCISSISTIC HEARTLEZS CONTROL FREAK I KNOW

I think NPD is in the DNA. My previous partner is NPD. He knows how to manipulate and abuse me, both emotionally and financially. He shows the inflated public image as a generous and kind person to the others. Therefore nobody knows what he did to me behind the closed door. I tried to help him out but ended up being put in a vulnerable position myself. Ironically, he now is single, poor, does not have any friends, does not have a job, does not have his own place to live when he is almost 50 years old. He appeared to have trouble securing the next supply (new victim) except his own mother after we broke up almost 20 years ago. He is a lot worse now especially the monetary exploitation aspect. Set the healthy boundaries with the others. Look after yourself and stay safe. Edited 25-Mar-25 23:30pm

A choice that becomes a disorder or excuse.

Some people's needed some one to talk a good person to listen they pains but put in hospital fast may not work. We don't mixs with others in today world. We used to mix's with neighbours or work place. Now days we sit how internet watch the world go by.

Choice based on childhood trauma .

DNA is the cause

It's and Art all of its own and gives the person a high no drugs needed it should be pointed out that these people need help ASAP if you spot one they thrive on destroying others seen it first hand .

its in their DNA.

Disorder!!

It's a disorder but like Sociopaths and Psychopaths just how bad it is will be up to nurture. If a child grows up without boundaries or rules and is the centre of their parents world they will grow up with a huge opinion of themselves and entitlement with little consideration of others feelings. I knew one well and wondered why the walls were covered with photo's of themselves but when I got to know the family dynamic I understood.

Definitely a choice, too many things are being put down to mentl disorders these days, everytime a murder is committed the overpaid lawyers say it is a mental reason. We all have choices and people need to be respinsible for their decisions.

It's a choice

More an infliction than a choice. In the young they seem unaware that they are narcissists but as they grown older some do try to understand how they affect others an try to modify there behaviour.

I'm heading towards more of a disorder because who in their right minds would choose to act that way

As someone who has been a victim of narcissistic behaviour, to simply put it down to it being a mental health disorder is a cop out and suggests it's almost like the person can't help themselves from acting the way they do toward others; when actually, yes, they can. Someone with a diagnosed mental health condition recognises the need to actively pursue ways to manage triggers, symptoms etc and educate themselves on how best to help themselves to help others. Narcissists do no such thing because they do not recognise the fault in themselves, they don't see a need to manage anything, instead blame others and use other methods such as coercive control and manipulation to get what they want.

I don't think it's a disorder at all because can people like that really change? It's more a personality type, very egoistic and wants to control other people.

It seems nearly every kind of negative behaviour these days is due to mental health conditions beyond a person's control. What has happened to personal accountability and to people choosing to behave a certain way because they benefit in some way from it? Perhaps there are instances where narcissism is due to a condition, but most likely there are those playing on that diagnosis.

I've had the misfortune to go to school with some people like that, the greater misfortune to work for 2 people like that (but was able at least to resign and escape them), and now, several countries in the world have the catastrophic misfortune to be led by people like that. And yes I think that it is a disorder, sometimes borne out of inner inferiority and sometimes born out of a sense of entitlement.

Well ...it's true...some are born to greatness. Others are driven to thrust their own perceived greatness upon others. You know who I mean. The American voters deserve to have what they voted for. Unfortunately, the rest of the world will now live with the effects of their choice.

Didn't know it's a mental health condition

Nearly every human on earth fits into this category, with the way we wreck the planet. But then in that way it is not totally choice. Everyone is being born and bread by the society we are born into, very narcissistic. But those who are double or tripple Narcissistic, that is there choice. We have to make sure Neo is not Narcassistic. How can we tell, AI isn't just making every human more Narcassitic, believing we are better that the AI it self. That will create something that will get out of control.Edited 25-Mar-25 16:09pm

Yes, it’s a choice

Too some extent a choice. Some people just don't care.

Disorder, just as Delusions of Grandeur and being a Pathological Liar are disorders, like my Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, which is very real! ;-D

i have read with interest the replies to this question. Unfortunately, I believe that I & my husband have received this kind of behavior from our eldest daughter. Looking back in time, it seems that she started this kind of behavior when she was at school. The teacher would give the students work to do, then when finished to queue up by her desk in a line to get it marked. If she couldn't push in to be next to have her work marked, she would put her coat on & walk out of the classroom. I've lost count the number of times I had to attend at school, because of this behavior. Whilst being employed at a number of different places of employment, she would argue with the owner that they were not doing things right in her mind. I was in hospital when she came into the room where the ward doctor was talking to me. She accused the doctor that he wasn't treating me in the right way. You can imagine how I felt when this was going on. This was because she had passed to become an enrolled nurse who knew everything - but wait - this was some 20 years ago & the way things were done then were completely differently to the way things are done now. I even did a year of seeing a psychologist to try to find ways of coping with her behavior. Things went well & we started meeting for a coffee, then after one Christmas, she exploded on the phone because we were away & we should have told her when we were going etc. etc. Anyway this time she had caused one or two many incidents & she was upsetting me so the choice was made & unfortunately, we haven't spoken to her in 5 years. It has been so much quieter this way. Sad news but what can you do.

Good for the soul. At least you can be sure one person loves you.

Mine has been a lifetime of narcissistic abuse from the one person that was supposed to love me…my mother…She passed in December,I was relieved my tormentor was finally dead.

It is a mental illness and has been known as a mental illness for a long time. There are things that can be done for it for some people like counseling, medication etc and it comes from many factors and starts in childhood due to abuse, neglect and or over indulgence by guardians and parents. It is more a modern day illness that gets worse in this day and age. It is selfishness, self serving and considering you are better or more deserving than other people and such people often want their way at any cost no matter who else it hurts.

A learnt choice from childhood lived experiences. Yes disorder may be involved as trauma can assist in the lived experiences of high sense of importance.

Why are you asking if it's a choice when you just gave yourself the answer in your first sentence? No, it's not a choice at all. People with NPD aren't born that way either, they are made to be that way usually if they have one or both parents that are narcissists as well. Most of them become that way through extreme childhood abuse and neglect which you probably couldn't even imagine, they develop a defense to protect themselves and they usually have no sense of self either. An issue is that they have a big ego and the higher that ego is the lower their self awareness is. There are people with this disorder that have become self aware of it and those that do work on themselves and go to therapy. I don't think the behaviour should just be excused but they are also suffering a lot internally all the time. There is so much stigma around this condition and cluster B disorders in general. People throw around the term narcissist to anyone that has been bad to them but the thing is, regular people can just be a-holes and abusive too without having any disorder. Like I said, their behaviours shouldn't just be excused but we should be able to have a bit of empathy for what they have gone through even though they struggle with feeling empathy themselves.

I think they are people with a low IQ and have never been taught to consider or respect other people.

No Narcissism is not a choice ............ because a narcissist IS NEVER WRONG. Even if they see they have done something wrong - they will TWIST IT AND SAY YOU CAUSED THEM TO DO IT. NEVER THEM.

You are what you do.

I agree all of them nuts as hell

Fruit loops all of them.

Yes it is and they are nuts

A true Narcissis would deny that theres anything wrong with them.

Its both, someone would point it out to them that their behaviour was not ok at some point and its how they go from there - either its a choice to stay that way or to seek help

Depending on many influencing factors, but I'd say it's a disorder with behavioural issues. We can never understand the why? But I feel we can relate in certain circumstances and make change.

A. Disease

It's not a choice or disorder it's just the person itself. Not taught as a child to be kind to everyone

im sure its a disorder

It is so selfish, it is all about them. No care for another person. It is character trait.

Well known for gaslighting and self centred behaviours. Often very charming and intelligent and will take a very keen interest in you if they see anything of a challenge to them and what they perceive as a weakness in you ,particularly if you have a giving or submissive nature .All red flags ...run! I did see a good quote recently to give a narcissist making demands .. to not say " No" as it just sets them off . Instead the phrase was " Let me get back to you on that " of course you will still get a reaction but the message was just to keep firm and repeat ,in essence retaining your power . Then when returning to the issue you just say " It really doesn't work for me " .. no oh sorry I really can't because .. etc" as that gives them their loophole to break you down again. Keep repeating " it really just doesn't work for me."

NO, SADLY JUST A TRAIT. I'M AN ACTOR. I'VE MET A FEW.

Another way to think about it is some people are dillusional and for some that's not a choice. Narcissism is similar in the way that it is a delusion of self worth. Therefore it is a choice for some and a condition for others depending on how far gone they are.Edited 25-Mar-25 10:39am

It is a choice, like everything is a choice. But, it is also being PROGRAMMED into society in this social media era. One of the WORST era's in recent times. Most do not know they are narcissists, but those who do, they are the worst because they are aware. I have noticed many of these types are also psycho-sociopaths.

I don't know, who can gauge evil?? After being married to one of these creeps, I'm wary of all people

it's a complex personality disorder, do people know they are narcissists, not generally, how can they change if they are not the problem, i think there are different types of narcissism the ones who don't know they are narcissistic and the ones who do, the ones who do wear t-shirts like [How can I soar like an eagle when I am surrounded by turkeys], not realizing the turkeys are the reason they are eagles, MR TRUMP is a good example along with other politicians Edited 25-Mar-25 14:34pm

WHO wants to know? and why do we care about something no one can prove, just like cvEdited 25-Mar-25 09:10am

Trump

It is a chosen disorder.

I think its a choice I do not know anyone with this all the people I know are all good hard working people

I definitely know a narcissist. Very hard to deal with this person. My feelings don't count, just theirs. They never admit that they have a problem. They will lie to make themselves look better. They will never admit that they have done something wrong. From what I have read, narcissism is a disorder. Sometimes I just want to slap them upside the head. LOL

It's such a gross mental disorder that in the Bible (Romans 12:3) it's warned that one shouldn't have such an exaggerated opinion of oneself....this lacks grace, humility and a profound inability to show empathy for others. It's not just about false confidence and ambitions: it's headed more into diabolic tendencies if encouraged. I wouldn't know if they can be treated/healed as they may easily and emphatically deny having a problem.Hmmm, do you know of any renown narcissist today?

For some yes, for some no. For some it is very annoying to those around them. For the others we can only feel sorry for them.

A disorder... A narcissist won't change their spots.

I know one who has a bad temper and has assaulted a person at least twice that I know of. I can't believe the lies being told either.

I dont know what Nacissitic is Michael

It's a choice I believe

Character trait accentuated by upbringing!!

It's a choice for sure. I was with my partner for over 20 years. The first 12 years or so were amazing. Then he changed almost overnight, it was horrendous. Eight years later he walked out saying I was the reason he had issues and he moved in with his girlfriend who I later found out had been seeing each other for years. I'm so mad at myself for wasting those last eight years.

This can be controlled or minimized at early stages of child’s growth.As a parent, we can help prevent or address narcissistic tendencies to our children by modeling healthy behavior, praising effort, and teaching empathy, self-awareness, and responsibility.

Once a person knows they have this problem they can do something about it if they really wish to do so. However, it is usually brought on by upbringing while they are young. It doesn't have to rule their life.

I think it could be controlled somewhat. There's little Marxist if in all of us.

Disorder and the biggest problem is that they cannot comprehend that they have a problem, they are incapable of admitting there is anything weong with them so they can see no reason to do anything to address their inordinate self-love, self-admiration, self-importance. I and my family know this because we have two nephews who have this condition. They are Never Wrong. They are Better bred than all of us and everyone else, They are experts and knowledgeable about everything and everyone else is stupid and totally wrong if they challenge their opinions. It really is a nightmare.

It's a disorder which they need help and supervision.

a disorder, and it's practically impossible to deal with.

I AM important............ I AM The Chosen One........... Now where are my pills ?? ...... Bye.Edited 25-Mar-25 07:06am

It's definitely not a choice. I'd never looked into narcissism before until my last boyfriend. The guy was driving me insane literally! By the end my eye would twitch every time he spoke to me or anyone else, because every damn word was a lie and he didn't even try to keep it all strait.. every problem he had was someone else's fault. He had been court battling his ex over his daughter for years and they both acted like childish high schoolers towards each other. He'd lie to my face about things I clearly would know wasn't true and expect me to believe it!! It was crazy and I had to block him everywhere because he started harassing me when I kicked him out and moved! Even my mother had to block him because he started bothering her! Ridiculous, childish character

Fortunately I have not experienced that disorder from anyone. So I consider myself very lucky especially after reading the other comments. I feel very sorry for the people that have lived through that with their spouse.

A DISORDER FOR SURE!! IT SHOULD BE TREATED AS SUCH, BUT I DONT THIN IN THE MEDICAL PERSPECTIVE THAT THEY CONSIDER IT A DISORDER. I meant think.

Just be your own self and enjoy life.

I left a narcissist last year. And from personal experience I will tell you yes he is suffering from a mental illness. Yes he is a highly functioning person. Yes he knows what he is doing as his behaviour changes depending on whom he interacts with. He could be the funniest person on the room. He is a people watcher and evaluates each person then displays the behaviour he sees fit. He was caring ,kind,selfless and loving when we first met. He became controlling,manipulative,violent,verbally abusive in increments. At first would apologise when I got upset. Later would change again and tell me he was trying to make me better. That I wasn't doing anything the " right" way,his way. He was never in the wrong,would try to gaslight me. I was lucky,my son saved me. Even now he still try's to manipulate my feelings,constantly asks for money as he says,he needs it more than me. He IS aware of what he does,but doesn't know or is unwilling to change. Refuses to seek help,as he believes everyone else has the problem,not him.

I'm on the fence about that.

disorder but can choose unwillinglyEdited 25-Mar-25 05:47am

yes

I think it's some of both. Just like with any mental disorder, if there are meds to control disorder & you don't take them at all or take them like they were prescribed, then to me, it becomes a choice.

No. It is a disease.

to some extent yes... their needs/wants come first and stuff anyone else.

It seems to be like a "one track mind" all about satisfying the seemingly most important person in their life, themself!

It’s a choice because they can try and fix it but most of them don’t. I have been with one and I stayed for 5 years that’s was horrible.

I think it’s both. We are in charge of our decisions and choices. They can choose to be aware of it and make better decisions and choices.

It’s a choice